Driving home from preschool and about to turn into my driveway when I realize I can't. There are 4 wild turkeys blocking my entrance. I kid you not when I say that I could not move. I honked which only aggravated the lead turkey even more. Feathers were now standing out and they were starting to peck at my tires.
Let's mention also that I have youngest son in the back seat a bit freaked out by the turkeys and focused on lunch.
I start to move, only to realize there's nowhere to move to. The VP of the turkey club decides to block the other side of the road so we now have a traffic jam. There are 4 cars behind me honking (like it's my choice to be letting the turkeys take control of this situation) and the back up in the other direction is starting to get angry too.
I decide to call my husband.
He is laughing.
Of course he is laughing. I would be too if it wasn't happening to me.
Naturally though, the fact that he IS laughing angers me even more.
The more I beep, the more I anger the head honcho. The longer I sit, the more I'm angering my fellow motorists.
Of course he says "What do you want me to do?" I'm not really sure. Clearly he is 30 miles away and cant help me so I ask him to give me the number of the police.
"Yea, (Town) Police. Your call is being recorded"
Terrific. I see the headlines in the town paper now. Crazy lady trapped in car by wild turkeys.
"Okay" I say." I know this is a bit odd but I literally cannot move because of these turkeys" He doesn't laugh yet doesn't seem to be running to my rescue either.
"There isn't much we can do other than what you are doing" I try to explain I'm causing a traffic jam and that gets his attention. "Okay" he says and agrees to send out a cruiser.
Meanwhile, the cars behind me manage to get by because the VP decides to go shit on my lawn instead of blocking the Lexus behind me. Lady seems pleased yet still gives me the evil glare as she drives on by.
Next teenage neighbor drives by and rolls down the window. He is smiling yet is sympathetic. "Im not sure what you can do. This is crazy" I thank him for at least giving me some sympathy and beg him to pick up lunch for my four year old on his way home. I assure him we will still be sitting here.
I hear no sirens so clearly the cops aren't declaring this an emergency so I start to inch forward, convinced that the lazier two of the group are sitting in front of my Honda Pilot.
Okay, I dont hear any thuds yet the President Turkey has not left my side and decides to follow me to my garage, squawking the entire time.
Made it in the driveway. Now what? Can I safely open the garage door without them following me in?
My son is starting to get annoyed with this whole thing and I'm ready for a Valium. I quickly press the button, am safely in and pray that the door will shut in record time.
YES!
SAFETY!
10 minutes later the bell rings.
Officer F is here with a smile on his face. Phew, he isn't mad that I wastned his time and agrees with me they can be vicious. When my 4 year old shows his concern and asks if they will be gone before his older brother gets home so he can get in the house, Officer assures him they will.
And he was right...
30 minutes later I found them crapping on my neighbors lawn...
Let's mention also that I have youngest son in the back seat a bit freaked out by the turkeys and focused on lunch.
I start to move, only to realize there's nowhere to move to. The VP of the turkey club decides to block the other side of the road so we now have a traffic jam. There are 4 cars behind me honking (like it's my choice to be letting the turkeys take control of this situation) and the back up in the other direction is starting to get angry too.
I decide to call my husband.
He is laughing.
Of course he is laughing. I would be too if it wasn't happening to me.
Naturally though, the fact that he IS laughing angers me even more.
The more I beep, the more I anger the head honcho. The longer I sit, the more I'm angering my fellow motorists.
Of course he says "What do you want me to do?" I'm not really sure. Clearly he is 30 miles away and cant help me so I ask him to give me the number of the police.
"Yea, (Town) Police. Your call is being recorded"
Terrific. I see the headlines in the town paper now. Crazy lady trapped in car by wild turkeys.
"Okay" I say." I know this is a bit odd but I literally cannot move because of these turkeys" He doesn't laugh yet doesn't seem to be running to my rescue either.
"There isn't much we can do other than what you are doing" I try to explain I'm causing a traffic jam and that gets his attention. "Okay" he says and agrees to send out a cruiser.
Meanwhile, the cars behind me manage to get by because the VP decides to go shit on my lawn instead of blocking the Lexus behind me. Lady seems pleased yet still gives me the evil glare as she drives on by.
Next teenage neighbor drives by and rolls down the window. He is smiling yet is sympathetic. "Im not sure what you can do. This is crazy" I thank him for at least giving me some sympathy and beg him to pick up lunch for my four year old on his way home. I assure him we will still be sitting here.
I hear no sirens so clearly the cops aren't declaring this an emergency so I start to inch forward, convinced that the lazier two of the group are sitting in front of my Honda Pilot.
Okay, I dont hear any thuds yet the President Turkey has not left my side and decides to follow me to my garage, squawking the entire time.
Made it in the driveway. Now what? Can I safely open the garage door without them following me in?
My son is starting to get annoyed with this whole thing and I'm ready for a Valium. I quickly press the button, am safely in and pray that the door will shut in record time.
YES!
SAFETY!
10 minutes later the bell rings.
Officer F is here with a smile on his face. Phew, he isn't mad that I wastned his time and agrees with me they can be vicious. When my 4 year old shows his concern and asks if they will be gone before his older brother gets home so he can get in the house, Officer assures him they will.
And he was right...
30 minutes later I found them crapping on my neighbors lawn...
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