eatthefrostingfirst

Okay people..am I the only parent who is excited for their children to start school again? All these Mom's I'm talking to are so sad summer is ending. Me... I just don't get that. Am I world's worst Mother because I'm counting down the days? And let's be real about this..it's not like I have 8 hrs a day to myself as my youngest is only at preschool for a total of 2.5 hrs/day. Maybe it's because my summer hasn't been very exciting. Beach trips and long wkends weren't part of my plan so maybe that's why I'm not feeling nostalgic about the season ending? Nah..I think I'd be this excited either way! Speaking of feeling like a bad Mom, I often start blaming myself for issues that Oldest still has..mainly eating. I am the first to admit that I use his gtube often as a crutch. If he (we) dont have time to sit down and eat I know I have the tube to fall back on. If he eats 10 bites of something I don't sweat that he wont grow because...w...

A Trip to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans... the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!" "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place. So, you must go out and b...

Oldest has another pneumonia. Yes, I say another because he has had countless in his life. (note to readers..he just turned six. I'm 41 and do not think I've ever had one) I know to most if you were told your child has pneumonia you may go into panic mode. I don't. I walk calmly out of the doctor's office, Zithromax in hand, knowing signs to look for if he gets worse. I sigh...heavily. I sigh because I often wonder what I did to deserve this? Sure, I am not the sick one but I consider myself a fairly good person. I don't smoke or do drugs. I'm kind to the elderly and only say the occasional curse word. I didn't drink one sip of wine during my pregnancy and the worst thing I did for my two pregnancies was have one too many trips to McDonald's. I know many out there have done worse than this. Yet. Here I am.I have two young boys who are tortured with numerous health issues. I know I have blogged (aka complained) about this before so I will try to refrain...

I saw an article in the NYT yesterday regarding parents who suffer PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to their children being in the NICU. This was not shocking to me as the NICU can be a very traumatizing time for a Mom (and/or Dad) I'm not so sure my husband remembers those days as vividly as I do but I can still recall every sound and smell. Oldest was in two different NICU's for an approximate total of 180 days. I remember the first week walking in each day to see him and checking his oxygen saturations, his weight, his total caloric intake. I used a breast pump for 5 months so that he would grow and hopefully, stay healthier, due to breast milk. I remember waking up at 2AM to pump and calling the NICU to check on how he is doing. I had long conversations with his night nurses regarding how many times he extubated himself (pulled out his vent tubing) and how many times he had a "code brown" (nurse lingo for explosive poops everywhere!) I'm taken back ...

Met with both of my surgeons today (Breast and Plastics) and got good reports from both. Thankfully I am officially a survivor. I need to meet with an oncologist to discuss possibly going on Tamoxifen (which in small terms possibly helps to prevent cancer from attacking my healthy breast) and am scheduled to "lift" my good side mid October. It looks like by the end of 2009, I will be putting this Cancer stuff behind me. While waiting for my plastics doc I was saddened by the look of his waiting room. I don't know about you but when I think of a plastic surgeon nose jobs, face lifts and boob jobs immediately come to mind. Not so according to this room at Mass General today. There were two people who were paraplegic, one burn victim (noticeable damage to face) and another walking around with a huge brace on her leg in addition to needing oxygen. I sat there, thinking about my NB and how truly lucky I am. Really, I mean it. This whole scare has made me appreciate, even more,...

My youngest was sick yesterday. Slight fever. And coughing..coughing and more coughing. After 20 minutes I couldn't take it anymore and got up to give him a neb. (Did I mention it was midnight?) (A neb for those of you with non asthmatic children stands for nebulizer treatment. You know the good stuff that goes into your lungs -by mask in this case-and makes you breathe better) The good news is it helped him breathe and the coughing stopped. The bad news..alubterol makes him wiry. He (and when I say he I mean WE) were up until 2:30. "Mommy. I need to pee" "Mommy. I want some water" "Yucky water. I NEED milk" "Mommy. I need MORE milk" "Can Daddy come in now to say goodnight?" "Mommy is (Oldest) sleeping even with the neb machine making all this noise?" The kid does crack me up but he is exhausting and clearly more so at 2AM. I'm happy to report he is fever free this morning and is acting like yesterday neve...

3rd load of laundry A child who threw up on me and the couch A migraine What do these three things have in common? Monday blahs. In spite of the doldrums this morning, yesterday's weather totally cooperated with us and the party was a complete success. Sure we had a few meltdowns but they were from Youngest who I don't get so upset about when he melts down. Oldest was a superstar participating in all activities and having a ball. He has come such a long way. There was a time when he wouldn't get near a sprinkler and now he was the first one out there getting himself doused by water. I remember back to early parties when he would hold onto my hand making sure I didn't leave his side. Yesterday..I'm not sure he even looked for me once. His sensory issues have made leaps and bounds and I think..no, I know, he had a great time at his own party. The way it should be. Youngest' meltdowns were over his new fear of moving cars=hitting people. I'm not sure when...

Last summer I nixed the idea of an outdoor birthday party for the boys in fear of rain. We wanted to have a Fire Engine come and let them play on it, outdoor games and take a ride. My Mom kept putting the fear of G-d into me asking what happens if it rains? Then What? I skipped the party but made the leap this year for the same type of party. And what's happening? Hurricane Bill is making a threat on the coast...causing many clouds and possible showers here in Mass. Damn hate when Mother's are right. I called her the other day to apologize for making her go through this nervousness when planning my wedding. She commented as any good mother would "SEE. Now you know how I felt!" And my children's birthday party hardly compares to a wedding. Dear Husband and I got married in December. Not by choice really but because it was the only date available for the hotel I wanted to get married in. That or New Yrs Eve. So we opted for December 2nd. My mother, for 8 months, ...

I cannot get the image out of my head of the 20 something yr old very pregnant woman at the mall today standing outside with her friend having a cigarette. She glared at me as I was staring at her. If I had the gall to say something I would have but figured it wasn't my place. However, its stayed with me all day. Had a nightmare last night that my youngest was getting kidnapped. I woke up in a cold sweat and went in twice to check on each of my sons. I then woke up youngest as I placed my hand on his back to make sure he was breathing. He looked up at me so sleepily and I asked if Mommy could crawl into bed with him. He fell back to sleep before he could answer. I didn't but how odd it was that the parent was asking to sleep with the child after a bad dream. I still cant shake it. Lastly (and clearly not listed in order of importance) I'm angry at Jon (Come on, Jon who? As in Jon and Kate Plus 8)I never watched the show until it became a scandal so I then tuned in to se...

In HS, my friend and I had a list of "window songs". These were songs that we sang at the top of our lungs with the windows rolled down driving to visit our boyfriends, the mall, out to eat, wherever..it didn't matter. 23 yrs later and whenever I hear a window song, I'm instantly brought back in time. Boys of Summer, Like A Virgin, I Want A New Drug, ...ahh, the 80's. Today I heard Air Supply's "All out of Love". I was driving home from the supermarket because I needed hoodsie's for my boys birthday party. Two car seats in the back, driving an SUV, post mastectomy. Not exactly the same scene from when I was 17 but, nonetheless, it still was a window song.. We all need to have those moments. Where we are brought back to earlier days, sometimes easier days..I wouldn't say High School holds my most fondest of memories but certainly not my worst. And there are many that make me smile... Air Supply is one (to boot it was my first concert I ev...

They retain EVERYTHING. I mean...EVERYTHING Im on the computer (yes, ignoring my children but honestly they have been playing ice cream man for 30 minutes straight) I hear youngest swear. A bad one. I'm sure my ears were deceiving me until I hear it again. Oldest starts laughing. I stomp in the other room "what did you say?" He repeats. Yup, I heard it right the first time. "Where did you hear that" I scream "From Daddy" Way to go Daddy. It bares worth repeating Kids retain EVERYTHING

In some ways it feels like I had surgery 3 months ago and then I need to remind myself that it's ONLY been 3 weeks. Im feeling stronger yet still not ready to run a marathon (Oh wait I wasnt ready to do that before this cancer stuff either!) Slowly am easing myself back into life as I met friends for lunch this week and ventured out to Gloucester yesterday for a waterfront festival. I got sore walking around about an hour into it yet the 90+degree weather clearly didn't help much. Spent 20 minutes hanging by the gourmet cotton candy booth. Youngest wanted purple (aka grape) and the nice woman who owned the place saw I was about to pass out so directed her 2 inch fan at me while I regained consciousness. Why would I leave? She was the best. Beside her fan, she has different flavored cotton candy! Who knew there were kinds other than pink and blue? We also tried rootbeer (which honestly tasted just like rootbeer) and she swears its 100 calories/bag. I loved her. She does birthda...

I need to video tape my boys more. They are really funny sometimes and becoming quite the performers. I know these times go by so quickly so I need to savor them. Craving a good salad and a movie. Dying to see Julie and Julia. My friend asks me "what's that?" Honestly, doesn't everyone have the TV on 24/7 like I do? And aren't they at least watching Access Hollywood or reading People magazine? Yes, I admit. I've had quite a bit of free time lately but even if I didn't, I'd still know Julie and Julia! Salad part is being handled by devoted husband who ran out to get me one for dinner since I have nothing fresh in the fridge even remotely close to a salad. Started driving again. It's true. I didn't forget how. Oldest had 20 beans at feeding therapy today. When you're a kid who still doesn't eat (for those just joining read earlier posts on his issues) you count things like beans, bites of spaghettios and how much of a cream cheese s...

I'm not always a fan of bribing your children but quite honestly, it works. My latest bribery tactic is getting my 4 yr old (yes, you read it right, my FOUR year old) to poop in the potty. It's totally psychological now. He knows when he has to go, insists on doing it his way or no way (which happened a few wks ago when he held it in for almost 5 days before I got hysterical and gave him suppositories to make him go. Clearly I didn't win that battle of the wills)It's getting ridiculous. Everyone tells me to let him be. He will go when he is ready. He wont be in pull ups forever (as a side note. He is not in pull ups. Only when he has to poop and demands to be changed into one) We've made baby steps. He used to go only with the door closed and pants/shorts on and buttoned. We've graduated to door being open and only a pull up on. He refuses (I mean, refuses) to sit. He is a very strong willed, knows what he wants, little boy. Clearly my child. I contacted my p...

I'm actually cold. I'm sitting in our freshly painted study (Great Barrington Green to be exact tx to husband's great painting skills), watching a teenaged movie on Lifetime (I know, teenage! What happened to woman cheating on husband or woman killing mistress? No, instead I'm watching Brittany Murphy in Uptown Girl with Dakota Fanning. Im embarassed to even admit this) Boys are out food shopping with their father who has taken on role of mom and dad the past few weeks (thank you!) and my windows are open. I'm freezing. I think it's Fall. But no, the calendar reads August 9th and I know it's not Fall because my kids still have absoloutely nothing to do for the next 4 weeks. A Sunday where I actually felt like sitting outside and it's...cold! Tomorrow...91 degrees. Go figure.

I'm not sure I remember the last time I had a weekend morning to myself. Dear Husband took the boys to the beach and I'm home. Alone. Windows are open, the sun is shining and the house is totally quiet. I don't even hear the hum of the washing machine. If this was three months ago I would be taking total advantage of this quiet time and would read a book, go for a walk....today, I find myself....well, blogging. Am I crazy? I wont have this quiet time for long so take advantage right! Embrace this "bed rest" thing. Come September I will be asking myself (and my husband) to give me a quiet weekend morning once again. I'm off to sit on my patio and do....nothing. Simply nothing! Carpe Diem and all..

Im not at a place where I expected to be 7 days post op. Im swollen. I feel like Im carrying around a 10lb NB Im sore. I cant wash my face without it hurting. I cant shower w/out the help from my husband and I cant sleep on my side. The worst part is I cant hug my children really well. Im depressed. I have Breast Cancer. It hit me like a ton of bricks after my surgery. Im not sure I really believed it all before this. Its just become very... real. So my upbeat strong personality has worn on me. Im sure its because for 7 days I have laid in bed, watched one too many Lifetime movies, and have nothing to do but focus on my own recovery. I know this is normal. A dear friend reminded me of the "stages" we all must go through in dealing with something like this. Nonetheless, Im not loving this stage. On the upside I had my one week follow up with my plastic surgeon and all looks well. He removed the darn drain so I feel much freer! My scar is a lot bigger than I anticipat...

one is silver and the other's gold. I'm not sure if this happens to everyone who has a disease or who is faced with a challenge so big that you just start to re-examine your life--but it's happened to me. Twice actually. First when Zachary passed away and when we started to face challenges with Oldest and now again, when diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I became a mush. In a good sense but a mush. I started once again to take notice in the important things in my life and started telling anyone who would listen how much I appreciate them in my life. I stared at my husband as he slept and hugged my boys for a minute longer than normal. I laid outside in the sun for the mornings they were at camp and just appreciated the warmth and quiet time. I read some good books. Ate ice cream when I felt like it and laid in bed appreciating being...well, not being diagnosed as terminal. I've heard this happens to many. Something tragic happens in their life and they get woken up. The...

So far Im not doing real well at this bedrest thing. After being on bedrest for 10 1/2 weeks when pregnant with my twins, I know that it's not as easy as it sounds. Sure, a few days of being pampered is appealing but after 24 hrs of it, I was itching to do something. Slowly I picked up a few toys, put away a dish, all the while being yelled at by my husband to sit down and he will do it. I know he will. The guilt overcomes me though that I'm sitting around, doing nothing, literally, and he is cooking, taking care of the boys, doing laundry, caring for me, and running up and down the stairs 100 times. I know he doesn't care and would never ever complain about it but it's just me...me not knowing how to rest and recover. I'm on day 4 with NB(new boob) and the swelling seems to be going down a bit. I think I've gone from what looks like a EEE to maybe now a DD. Doc told me they got it pretty close in size to my healthy one so I'm sure once the swelling starts ...