I saw an article in the NYT yesterday regarding parents who suffer PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to their children being in the NICU. This was not shocking to me as the NICU can be a very traumatizing time for a Mom (and/or Dad) I'm not so sure my husband remembers those days as vividly as I do but I can still recall every sound and smell.
Oldest was in two different NICU's for an approximate total of 180 days. I remember the first week walking in each day to see him and checking his oxygen saturations, his weight, his total caloric intake. I used a breast pump for 5 months so that he would grow and hopefully, stay healthier, due to breast milk. I remember waking up at 2AM to pump and calling the NICU to check on how he is doing. I had long conversations with his night nurses regarding how many times he extubated himself (pulled out his vent tubing) and how many times he had a "code brown" (nurse lingo for explosive poops everywhere!)
I'm taken back to the NICU every time I give myself a douse of green purell. (The clear purell does it as well but the green kind was always used by our nurse and instantly I am brought back to hanging out by Oldest's isolette talking with his primary nurse about his growth, my fears, family, etc) I remember listening to Dr Ringer (head of the NICU at the time) rib Dear Husband over a Red Sox win over the Yankees and how the nurses at the time decorated my son's blanket in Red Sox gear and signs saying "cowboy up".
You see, my NICU times are vivid to me because it was where I gave birth to Oldest and Zachary. It was where I spent the first six months of his life, day in and day out. It's where I welcomed a new family into our lives..the many nurses and doctors who cared for my son when I wasn't around. I needed to trust them as they were my full time care takers when I couldn't be there for my son. I'm sure I drove them crazy with questions asking why is his oxygen so low and many late night phone calls but six years later, I remember them all...fondly.
180 days from August 7, 2003 until January 24, 2004 Oldest spent at Brigham and Women's NICU and then Children's Hospital NICU. It is there he had his first smile, watched his first Baby Einstein video and had his first bottle. My memories are bittersweet. My heart still aches when I think about those early days but I also smile because I was so incredibly fortunate to have been surrounded by amazing nurses and physicians. There are many that I am still in touch with today and many who will always hold a very special place in my heart. They got me through some very difficult times by being there, holding my hand and hugging me through long nights. They taught me how to care for a medically fragile child and provided me relief when I brought him home so that I could have an occasional night out with my husband.
So today, six years later, I still think of my NICU nurses with smiles. I always said that if Oldest had to spend his infant months in a hospital how very lucky I was to have wonderful nurses (and now wonderful friends) right there beside him.
So to Michelle, Erin and Judy who are not only my Facebook friends and my son's old nurses, but who are members of our extended family..today I think of you and send you hugs for the work you do every day..by simply being you.
Oldest was in two different NICU's for an approximate total of 180 days. I remember the first week walking in each day to see him and checking his oxygen saturations, his weight, his total caloric intake. I used a breast pump for 5 months so that he would grow and hopefully, stay healthier, due to breast milk. I remember waking up at 2AM to pump and calling the NICU to check on how he is doing. I had long conversations with his night nurses regarding how many times he extubated himself (pulled out his vent tubing) and how many times he had a "code brown" (nurse lingo for explosive poops everywhere!)
I'm taken back to the NICU every time I give myself a douse of green purell. (The clear purell does it as well but the green kind was always used by our nurse and instantly I am brought back to hanging out by Oldest's isolette talking with his primary nurse about his growth, my fears, family, etc) I remember listening to Dr Ringer (head of the NICU at the time) rib Dear Husband over a Red Sox win over the Yankees and how the nurses at the time decorated my son's blanket in Red Sox gear and signs saying "cowboy up".
You see, my NICU times are vivid to me because it was where I gave birth to Oldest and Zachary. It was where I spent the first six months of his life, day in and day out. It's where I welcomed a new family into our lives..the many nurses and doctors who cared for my son when I wasn't around. I needed to trust them as they were my full time care takers when I couldn't be there for my son. I'm sure I drove them crazy with questions asking why is his oxygen so low and many late night phone calls but six years later, I remember them all...fondly.
180 days from August 7, 2003 until January 24, 2004 Oldest spent at Brigham and Women's NICU and then Children's Hospital NICU. It is there he had his first smile, watched his first Baby Einstein video and had his first bottle. My memories are bittersweet. My heart still aches when I think about those early days but I also smile because I was so incredibly fortunate to have been surrounded by amazing nurses and physicians. There are many that I am still in touch with today and many who will always hold a very special place in my heart. They got me through some very difficult times by being there, holding my hand and hugging me through long nights. They taught me how to care for a medically fragile child and provided me relief when I brought him home so that I could have an occasional night out with my husband.
So today, six years later, I still think of my NICU nurses with smiles. I always said that if Oldest had to spend his infant months in a hospital how very lucky I was to have wonderful nurses (and now wonderful friends) right there beside him.
So to Michelle, Erin and Judy who are not only my Facebook friends and my son's old nurses, but who are members of our extended family..today I think of you and send you hugs for the work you do every day..by simply being you.
I still hold Jared and your family so dearly. It is so nice to get updates and pictures and to see how well he has done. He has always been such a special little guy. I often think of a day I visited your house a few years back and I hadn't seen Jared in quite some time. As I sat there and talked, Jared slowly crept over to where I was sitting in the dining room and eventually sat next to me and just smiled. It was almost like listening to my voice brought him back to our "NICU days" and he remembered who I was. It was really sweet and very profound. Thank you for allowing us to be part of your family and for letting us care for Jared. It was an honor and you guys will forever be part of my extended family as well. Miss you!
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