Okay people..am I the only parent who is excited for their children to start school again? All these Mom's I'm talking to are so sad summer is ending. Me... I just don't get that. Am I world's worst Mother because I'm counting down the days? And let's be real about this..it's not like I have 8 hrs a day to myself as my youngest is only at preschool for a total of 2.5 hrs/day. Maybe it's because my summer hasn't been very exciting. Beach trips and long wkends weren't part of my plan so maybe that's why I'm not feeling nostalgic about the season ending? Nah..I think I'd be this excited either way!
Speaking of feeling like a bad Mom, I often start blaming myself for issues that Oldest still has..mainly eating. I am the first to admit that I use his gtube often as a crutch. If he (we) dont have time to sit down and eat I know I have the tube to fall back on. If he eats 10 bites of something I don't sweat that he wont grow because...well, I have the gtube. You get what I'm saying? I don't push him enough because I keep thinking..it will happen. Truth be told, it's not happening. It's a slow, slow process. Did I mention SLOW? I get a pit in my stomach every time someone who I haven't heard from in a while asks how the eating is going? I reply..its going..it's also SLOW.
His school schedule now has him in school until 245PM. Our town approved an all day Kindergarten (with a short day on Wednesdays) and believe me, I'm all for this. I think it will be very beneficial to him. The bad part is he has therapies that he needs to now fit in after school and on short Wednesdays, allowing him with one, yes ONE, free afternoon/wk. I face a dilemma. He needs these therapies to eventually catch up to his peers. He also needs to be six. He needs to have afternoon play dates, down time, and just regualar playtime. How can he do this one day a week? Answer..he cant. So after much hemming and hawing, I decided to cut back a feeding therapy. Why feeding you ask when clearly this is one of his main issues to work on? Well, I answer, because. Because Im not sure that he cant accomplish learning chewing skills once/wk if I, Mom, push him more at home. This is where I go back to blaming myself because if maybe I pushed him more, he would be further along than he is today. So, I pledge my commitment here that I will push him more. He knows this. He will have a feeding chart and homework, he will need to eat more at meal time (more meaning ANYTHING) and we will see what happens. It's a fine line we walk with feeding that I dont expect anyone to really understand. He doesn't have the skills. He sometimes has the want. He doesn't know hunger because I tube feed him. If I stopped tube feeding him he would fall off the growth charts because he doesn't (and cant right now) eat enough orally to sustain his growth. See the fine line? And now more stress because his days are longer at school. Thankfully Oldest has an amazing school nurse who can and will tube feed him at school but this is not how I envision his later yrs to be. So, again, I vow to push this issue more than I ever have.
I try not to coulda woulda shoulda my whole life because frankly, I'd be a crazy loon if I did. There's a lot I wish I didn't do and maybe outcomes would be different but I cant think this way. So, I don't.
Not all the time anyways!
Speaking of feeling like a bad Mom, I often start blaming myself for issues that Oldest still has..mainly eating. I am the first to admit that I use his gtube often as a crutch. If he (we) dont have time to sit down and eat I know I have the tube to fall back on. If he eats 10 bites of something I don't sweat that he wont grow because...well, I have the gtube. You get what I'm saying? I don't push him enough because I keep thinking..it will happen. Truth be told, it's not happening. It's a slow, slow process. Did I mention SLOW? I get a pit in my stomach every time someone who I haven't heard from in a while asks how the eating is going? I reply..its going..it's also SLOW.
His school schedule now has him in school until 245PM. Our town approved an all day Kindergarten (with a short day on Wednesdays) and believe me, I'm all for this. I think it will be very beneficial to him. The bad part is he has therapies that he needs to now fit in after school and on short Wednesdays, allowing him with one, yes ONE, free afternoon/wk. I face a dilemma. He needs these therapies to eventually catch up to his peers. He also needs to be six. He needs to have afternoon play dates, down time, and just regualar playtime. How can he do this one day a week? Answer..he cant. So after much hemming and hawing, I decided to cut back a feeding therapy. Why feeding you ask when clearly this is one of his main issues to work on? Well, I answer, because. Because Im not sure that he cant accomplish learning chewing skills once/wk if I, Mom, push him more at home. This is where I go back to blaming myself because if maybe I pushed him more, he would be further along than he is today. So, I pledge my commitment here that I will push him more. He knows this. He will have a feeding chart and homework, he will need to eat more at meal time (more meaning ANYTHING) and we will see what happens. It's a fine line we walk with feeding that I dont expect anyone to really understand. He doesn't have the skills. He sometimes has the want. He doesn't know hunger because I tube feed him. If I stopped tube feeding him he would fall off the growth charts because he doesn't (and cant right now) eat enough orally to sustain his growth. See the fine line? And now more stress because his days are longer at school. Thankfully Oldest has an amazing school nurse who can and will tube feed him at school but this is not how I envision his later yrs to be. So, again, I vow to push this issue more than I ever have.
I try not to coulda woulda shoulda my whole life because frankly, I'd be a crazy loon if I did. There's a lot I wish I didn't do and maybe outcomes would be different but I cant think this way. So, I don't.
Not all the time anyways!
Comments
Post a Comment