There is no doubt I love both of my sons equally.
Both are my biggest blessings and truly, the joys of my life (in spite of what I tell you when they are driving me insane)
So yes, I love them equally yet worry more about my oldest a bit more.
Why?
Because my youngest didn't arrive into the world 3 months before planned.
He slept down the hall from me the first six months of his life, not miles away in a hospital ICU.
Youngest breathed on his own, ate solids when deemed appropriate and reached milestones, for the most part, on target.
I didn't panic when he walked late, toilet trained late or needed speech therapy at the age of three.
When he had a fever, broke his foot, needed his adenoids out, I was okay.
This may be hard to believe but I am not an over reactive Mother.
I'm anal, organized to a fault, somewhat compulsive, and a complete worrier but when it comes to being a Mom- not so much. They get dirty; I soak them in a bath. I don't cringe when they want to cover themselves in sand, chocolate pudding or mud. I dont call 911 when they have a fever and I do not abuse my pediatrician's on call line.
They are boys. I go with the flow.
Oldest son, however, I worry.
About most everything.
Not the little things (like fore mentioned mud on pants) but pretty much everything else.
Food allergies (which youngest also has),
asthma (again, youngest too is an asthmatic, maybe even more severe)
Fevers (most always result in an ear infection)
Prolonged coughs and sniffles- a sure sign he has pneumonia
any kind of quirk, delays in school, disinterest in an activity, social skills...
you get the gist.
Worrier.
I do not love my children any differently.
They both have amazing qualities, strengths and weaknesses and I recognize that we are all different.
But since the age of....one day, people have been chiming in about the life of my oldest child.
Doctors, Nurses, Therapists and Teachers have all been telling me what is right and wrong, what he should and shouldn't be doing. Oldest has always been under a magnifying glass due to his early arrival in life and his medical history following that.
I do not blame the people in our lives. For many of you, you were my saviors. You calmed me when I overreacted and you brushed away many of my fears. But I do feel this is why I am like this today.
Because I have always worried about him. His health, his progress, his delays. They have always been a focus. Not only of mine, but, of people who work with him. People around me MAKE it a focus so naturally, so do I.
I was reminded by a dear friend that every child is different. Children who were not born 3 months prematurely and lived on a vent are also experiencing problems; delays; challenges.
This is how the world works.
I blame everything on his tough arrival in life yet I need to remind myself, this is him.
This is my oldest son who, in spite of his tough medical struggles, is now a relatively healthy and extremely happy six year old boy. He is smart, loving, observant and cute as hell.
So thank you, dear friend, for reminding me of this.
Every once in a while we all need to put our lives in check.
Both are my biggest blessings and truly, the joys of my life (in spite of what I tell you when they are driving me insane)
So yes, I love them equally yet worry more about my oldest a bit more.
Why?
Because my youngest didn't arrive into the world 3 months before planned.
He slept down the hall from me the first six months of his life, not miles away in a hospital ICU.
Youngest breathed on his own, ate solids when deemed appropriate and reached milestones, for the most part, on target.
I didn't panic when he walked late, toilet trained late or needed speech therapy at the age of three.
When he had a fever, broke his foot, needed his adenoids out, I was okay.
This may be hard to believe but I am not an over reactive Mother.
I'm anal, organized to a fault, somewhat compulsive, and a complete worrier but when it comes to being a Mom- not so much. They get dirty; I soak them in a bath. I don't cringe when they want to cover themselves in sand, chocolate pudding or mud. I dont call 911 when they have a fever and I do not abuse my pediatrician's on call line.
They are boys. I go with the flow.
Oldest son, however, I worry.
About most everything.
Not the little things (like fore mentioned mud on pants) but pretty much everything else.
Food allergies (which youngest also has),
asthma (again, youngest too is an asthmatic, maybe even more severe)
Fevers (most always result in an ear infection)
Prolonged coughs and sniffles- a sure sign he has pneumonia
any kind of quirk, delays in school, disinterest in an activity, social skills...
you get the gist.
Worrier.
I do not love my children any differently.
They both have amazing qualities, strengths and weaknesses and I recognize that we are all different.
But since the age of....one day, people have been chiming in about the life of my oldest child.
Doctors, Nurses, Therapists and Teachers have all been telling me what is right and wrong, what he should and shouldn't be doing. Oldest has always been under a magnifying glass due to his early arrival in life and his medical history following that.
I do not blame the people in our lives. For many of you, you were my saviors. You calmed me when I overreacted and you brushed away many of my fears. But I do feel this is why I am like this today.
Because I have always worried about him. His health, his progress, his delays. They have always been a focus. Not only of mine, but, of people who work with him. People around me MAKE it a focus so naturally, so do I.
I was reminded by a dear friend that every child is different. Children who were not born 3 months prematurely and lived on a vent are also experiencing problems; delays; challenges.
This is how the world works.
I blame everything on his tough arrival in life yet I need to remind myself, this is him.
This is my oldest son who, in spite of his tough medical struggles, is now a relatively healthy and extremely happy six year old boy. He is smart, loving, observant and cute as hell.
So thank you, dear friend, for reminding me of this.
Every once in a while we all need to put our lives in check.
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