Most of you may know that Dear Husband and I struggled for a few years with infertility issues. I went through a total of 6 IVF cycles (Invitro Fertilization). #5 and #6 were a result in Oldest, my angel Zachary, and then Youngest.
Those days were plain hell. I mean it. Every month that I wasn't pregnant I would crawl into bed for a day or two, crying, yelling at my husband or my mother (who would tell me to just relax and then I would get pregnant. She now realizes what an insane thing to say) I was emotional, moody and pumped with hormones. I did my own injections (bc dear husband is a needle phobe), I went for countless ultrasounds, blood tests, womanly tests,etc. only to find out cycle after cycle that I was not getting pregnant. After changing to clinic number 2 in Boston, they suggested I try using "donor eggs" (This is when you would get someone, most likely anonymous, oh, and younger, to donate her eggs to you. Her eggs would then be injected with husbands sperm to produce an embryo which would later be implanted in me) We weren't ready to do that yet. I was only 34. Could my eggs really be fried already??!! I consulted with one of the top clinics in the country (Cornell) and after they convinced me that my eggs were in fact, not fried but fine, I decided to spend two wks in NYC, to try my 5th IVF cycle. I stayed with my in laws while Dear Husband was in Boston and every day I walked the streets of NYC to Cornell every morning to get poked and prodded. It was hard. It was what I was sure of being my last cycle and I didnt have my husband here with me so I was nonetheless, an emotional mess. Thankfully I met some great women during my cycle there who kept me sane. Dear Husband would come up on the weekend and then, of course, for his part of the "deposit" (Yup, all essence of romance for conceiving was totally out the window by now!)
We waited. And waited. The dreaded 2ww its called (ww=week wait)In the interim I was looking into adoption agencies as I decided that I couldn't do any more cycles. I was emotionally and physically...well, FRIED.Just like my eggs. Or so I thought.
I then found out I was pregnant with twin boys. Cornell was the miracle I needed. The rest you know is history.
However, this is where I stop on ME and talk about another couple named Carolyn and Sean. She is on an IVF board that I frequented during my IVF cycles and actually met many friends throughout an emotional time. To this day I keep in touch with some. I lurk infrequently but I did checkout this story yesterday.
Carolyn wanted another child. She had 3 already but had frozen embryos and wanted to use them. The doctor from her clinic called her after the 2ww was over and said you are pregnant...but it's not with your embryo. Apparently the clinic transferred the wrong couple's embryo.
This, I cannot even begin to imagine. However, I did imagine it. Many times. Praying to myself that this is my child inside of me and not a screw up at the lab. I thought how often this must happen. 6yrs later looking at my boys you know they are biologically ours. I wouldn't love them any different if they were not but this isn't my point. Carolyn is giving up the baby she is carrying and giving it back to the couple. What an agonizing choice she must be making. She didn't abort. She didn't try to arrange an adoption. She is carrying a baby for this couple because the lab...well they royally screwed up.
I think when we start out on the road to motherhood, we are all naive. (okay, maybe not all, clearly a good portion of us) We think we will get pregnant after a few tries, our baby will arrive being exactly the sex that we had hoped for, it will be full term and healthy, there will be no medical challenges, developmental challenges..only normal mothering type of challenges.
Thanks to my history, I've learned this to not be true. Thanks to my history I have met amazing, really amazing, women out there who go through all sorts of daily challenges above and beyond the dilemmas of colic vs teething and my kid isn't potty trained and he is almost three. Friends and people I have met are going through agonizing days over conceiving, raising special needs children and raising medically fragile children. I am, by no means, belittling the "typical" mother. I envy you. Trust me, I do. I envy your healthy child and your easy no risk pregnancy. I envy that you got to take your child home after he was born and your only scare thus far was a trip to the ER when he fell down a stair. You may be the norm. But I know others out there. So to the others..I salute you. Every day.
To quote Erma Bombeck, "If Life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?"
Those days were plain hell. I mean it. Every month that I wasn't pregnant I would crawl into bed for a day or two, crying, yelling at my husband or my mother (who would tell me to just relax and then I would get pregnant. She now realizes what an insane thing to say) I was emotional, moody and pumped with hormones. I did my own injections (bc dear husband is a needle phobe), I went for countless ultrasounds, blood tests, womanly tests,etc. only to find out cycle after cycle that I was not getting pregnant. After changing to clinic number 2 in Boston, they suggested I try using "donor eggs" (This is when you would get someone, most likely anonymous, oh, and younger, to donate her eggs to you. Her eggs would then be injected with husbands sperm to produce an embryo which would later be implanted in me) We weren't ready to do that yet. I was only 34. Could my eggs really be fried already??!! I consulted with one of the top clinics in the country (Cornell) and after they convinced me that my eggs were in fact, not fried but fine, I decided to spend two wks in NYC, to try my 5th IVF cycle. I stayed with my in laws while Dear Husband was in Boston and every day I walked the streets of NYC to Cornell every morning to get poked and prodded. It was hard. It was what I was sure of being my last cycle and I didnt have my husband here with me so I was nonetheless, an emotional mess. Thankfully I met some great women during my cycle there who kept me sane. Dear Husband would come up on the weekend and then, of course, for his part of the "deposit" (Yup, all essence of romance for conceiving was totally out the window by now!)
We waited. And waited. The dreaded 2ww its called (ww=week wait)In the interim I was looking into adoption agencies as I decided that I couldn't do any more cycles. I was emotionally and physically...well, FRIED.Just like my eggs. Or so I thought.
I then found out I was pregnant with twin boys. Cornell was the miracle I needed. The rest you know is history.
However, this is where I stop on ME and talk about another couple named Carolyn and Sean. She is on an IVF board that I frequented during my IVF cycles and actually met many friends throughout an emotional time. To this day I keep in touch with some. I lurk infrequently but I did checkout this story yesterday.
Carolyn wanted another child. She had 3 already but had frozen embryos and wanted to use them. The doctor from her clinic called her after the 2ww was over and said you are pregnant...but it's not with your embryo. Apparently the clinic transferred the wrong couple's embryo.
This, I cannot even begin to imagine. However, I did imagine it. Many times. Praying to myself that this is my child inside of me and not a screw up at the lab. I thought how often this must happen. 6yrs later looking at my boys you know they are biologically ours. I wouldn't love them any different if they were not but this isn't my point. Carolyn is giving up the baby she is carrying and giving it back to the couple. What an agonizing choice she must be making. She didn't abort. She didn't try to arrange an adoption. She is carrying a baby for this couple because the lab...well they royally screwed up.
I think when we start out on the road to motherhood, we are all naive. (okay, maybe not all, clearly a good portion of us) We think we will get pregnant after a few tries, our baby will arrive being exactly the sex that we had hoped for, it will be full term and healthy, there will be no medical challenges, developmental challenges..only normal mothering type of challenges.
Thanks to my history, I've learned this to not be true. Thanks to my history I have met amazing, really amazing, women out there who go through all sorts of daily challenges above and beyond the dilemmas of colic vs teething and my kid isn't potty trained and he is almost three. Friends and people I have met are going through agonizing days over conceiving, raising special needs children and raising medically fragile children. I am, by no means, belittling the "typical" mother. I envy you. Trust me, I do. I envy your healthy child and your easy no risk pregnancy. I envy that you got to take your child home after he was born and your only scare thus far was a trip to the ER when he fell down a stair. You may be the norm. But I know others out there. So to the others..I salute you. Every day.
To quote Erma Bombeck, "If Life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?"
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