eatthefrostingfirst

Remember the days when the flight attendants were all nice and smiley? Flying the friendly skies? The ones on United forgot their happy pills apparently. Snippy, (not smiley )and not that I'm Giselle or anything but... a bit hefty to fit through the small aisles of coach. And the parents with the crying kids? No worries. I got your back. Ignore the idiot in 2 rows in front of you looking back and giving you the evil eye because you're not shutting up your kid. Been there. Like shutting them up is that easy on the ground let alone 20,000 feet in the air. And speaking of the guy giving the evil eye, my kid just put down his tray and then put it up again. That's what you do when you need to use the pull down tray. Sorry it got in the way of you listening to your music. And to the man behind me, is it necessary to lean onto my seat where my head is EVERY time you get up and down? You really need that much support to get out of your seat? Miss Flight Attendant (yes, ...

It's real. Winter is upon us. I know this because my kid was able to create a snowman in our backyard. And I had to use two towels to dry off my dog I hate snow and cold so it's really amazing that I'm spending my Winter vacation in the mountains. I'm pretty sure I could eat pizza and ice cream 5 times a week. I still have nightmares about not studying for tests in highschool or missing exams, or getting lost in the school. Umm, anxiety about my school years? Still? Really? I have nightmares about my kids getting kidnapped and then I wake up in a cold sweat and make sure they're in their rooms sleeping. Then I crawl into bed and get up to check again. Yes, I'm that crazy. I never wanted a dog now I cant imagine not having my dog. Even though I cant stand her licking me. I dont get how people love having their faces licked by their dogs. I could watch Law and Order pretty much all day long and yet am still amazed when I find an episode I've...

I wish I had more patience When I lose my cool with my kids because they're losing their cool- I have to stop for a minute and think..okay, clearly hereditary crap is going on here! We are easily frustrated, quick tempered and an impulsive group. I'm not proud of passing this on to my kids. Although oldest's short 10 years of life has taught me not to sweat the small stuff (and I really dont. Dirty pants, holes in the jeans, drank a soda for lunch, ate two desserts..I'm not too crazy) but I still find myself blowing up over things. So I wish I had more patience. And the ability to think before I scream And I wish I didn't pass on that great quality to my youngest. I wish I had impulse control and could stay away from licking the bowl of raw cookie dough (did I say licking? I meanth, inhaling by the spoonful) I wish I could sing And dance well I wish I could make a living on writing or baking I wish I could stop drinking diet coke I wish I could stay ...

I have visions of my Dad standing in the kitchen carving the turkey. Each year we named it (I know; a bit weird in retrospect) Larry Bird was our funniest one by far. Sometimes tweety or big bird (you following?) I miss my Dad all the time but particularly on Thanksgiving which, has always been, my favorite holiday. My mom's stuffing is my favorite and who doesn't love to nibble on the canned onion rings used for the green bean casserole? But I love the day because it brings family together. And sometimes I get sappy and think there's so much to be grateful for. So my annual Thanksgiving thanks list goes as follows: I'm thankful for health (goes without saying) I'm thankful that Parenthood is still on TV and for the DVR that allows me to record it each week because I can never make it up past 10pm I'm thankful for someone telling me last week that they were in shock that I'm 45 yet; feeling really old now that I'm working with two 25 year o...

I haven't worked since the end of 2002.  11 years. I quit when I was having difficulty getting pregnant (oh, the stress! ) and when oldest was born prematurely, it was a good thing I had wanted to be a SAHM. The nicu visits, the dr apts, the therapies..it was a full time job and then some. Then youngest came along and well, I enjoyed the mom thing. I was good at it ~although come 6pm you can bet I threw a kid (or two) at dear husband when he walked in the door. The days were long and bedtime at times could not come soon enough. (I miss them being unable to tell time so I could lie about bedtime) Fast forward 7 years and I have two kids in school. Full time. The joy! Time for target and pedicures and meeting friends for lunch and retail therapy and ... okay, its not all glamorous. It's not like I'm sitting around the house watching soaps and eating bon bons all day. I did stuff. I volunteered. PTO for years, charity work, not to mention the basic house stuff and ...

So I got selected (after submitting my name!) to participate on the field at Gilette Stadium as part of the Patriots Pre Game Breast Cancer Awareness Day. I was- beyond excited. It was a whole to do really.. first off, we gave away our tix for that game and weren't planning to go. I got selected but didnt have tix. Yea, that could be an issue. Except it wasnt. Because two people couldnt make it and the PATS had two extra tix to give me. FREE TIX My Mom agreed to watch the boys. FREE BABYSITTER The PATS sent a parking pass. FREE PARKING Okay, you're getting the gist. As we donned in pink (FREE TSHIRTS and FREE HATS) I was soon surrounded by 41 other "survivors". Women of all different ages and backgrounds with many, many stories. Suddenly- I felt undeserving of being there. Yes, I lost a boob but honestly- it was only a boob. Really, it's how I look at it. Sure it sucked back then but now that I'm on the other side- not a huge deal.  Life vs a b...

There are two boys living with me. Ages 8 and 10 I'm not sure how they got here. See, the 10 year old (who I'm pretty sure just yesterday was in the NICU fighting to breathe), the kid who had years and years (and years) of therapy is now down to just Speech and Language therapy. And I say JUST emphatically. He is obsessed with sports (not really playing but following. OBSESSED) He is a huge  Yankee fan Has a fantasy football team Knows how to throw a pretty good spiral Enjoys Math Likes eating salmon The 8 year old Creative as heck and funny (okay this he totally gets from me! :-) Artsy Dramatic Also likes Math Cannot get enough of his dog Loves thrill rides (when just last year he was terrified of them) Hasn't met a carb or a sweet he doesn't like (okay, again, gets this from me) but seriously...who are they and when did they get to be like this? When did they become so independent and smart and know how to shower by themselves? Just yesterday t...

Back to school! The yellow buses crowding the streets New backpacks and sneakers shining Moms rejoicing everywhere Life is good! Yet; oldest was seemingly anxious the night before the first day. Youngest wasn't overly thrilled with his class list. Oldest has a new special ed. teacher Youngest has been asking oldest non stop questions about third grade. I forgot how anxiety provoking the start of school can be for kids. They have had care free, relaxing summers. No real schedules. No homework or tests or things to learn and memorize. Life has been filled with lemonade and outdoor activities and smelling like coppertone for 2 months. They now need to switch gears. And quickly. We are asking them to one day turn off your summer switch and the next morning get your mind in gear and ready to learn math. And the parents? Same thing. I forgot what time I dropped them off. Will I remember to pick them up? Lunches? Shoot, where are those lunchboxes? Time to remember l...

Summer is almost over- we're spending our last week going to a Yankees game (I'm from Boston-through and through) and to Hershey Park (I hate rollercoasters and anything that spins). When did vacation not become about ME? Bonus** HERSHEY Park. Yes, that HERSHEY! Land of chocolate. Okay, there's a little something in it for me. I'm watching a lot of Food Network and HGTV. When did I become old and boring? Found an old Wiggles DVD and started doing the cold spaghetti dance. Alone.  Became nostalgic for my boys being little. I'm really cynical.  I dont know how NOT to be sarcastic. I need a part time job with mothers hours: only 3 days a week that will allow me school vacations and summers off. Oh and time to get a hair cut, pedicure, drs apt, and a trip to Target in whenever I want. And that pays me. Yup, guess this stay at home Mom thing may be looking like it for a while

Youngest made me want to pull my hair out yesterday. Or was it the day before? Oh wait, maybe it's all the days. He is willful and spirited and adamant and persistent and exhausting. Oh, SOOOO EXHAUSTING! And I lose my shit and realize we are two peas in a pod at times. And I realize I gotta stop losing my shit. And I was so tired from arguing and punishing and lecturing And then I came home and read a friends blog who is living with metastatic breast cancer. And she talked about how she envies me. (well not me but the me's out there. The ones who are going on with their lives-day to day-living, breathing, enjoying) And I was brought back down to humanity level. I was reminded how precious life is. How one day..seriously, it's just a blink of an eye, your life can be turned upside down. And the hours of yelling at your youngest child may not be so important anymore. It may not exhaust you because...well, frankly, there are real problems going on. Not the f...

Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life out of a Talking Head's song: "And you may ask yourself. Well, how did I get here?" Occasionally I think I'm on a show-watching a movie. Or acting in it. Playing the part while life just passes me by. Right in front of me. P-A-S-S-I-N-G me by.  This morning oldest had an endoscopy (one of many that he has had and will continue to have for the hot new disease titled EOE. I know, my kid's a trendsetter) I digress.. I'm sitting in the waiting room. Waiting (duh!) Mrs. Stern? (oldest's) Mom? Oh ah, yes, that would be me. When did I become someone's mom and a Mrs.? Really? I'm going through the motions. Day by day. My kids are fed, cared for, loved. I take them to their doctors appointments, school, camp, playdates. I cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry I do an occasional facebook post, dinner with a friend, see a movie, glass of wine on a Saturday night. Yes. Im living my l...

So when I asked (incessantly) my 7 year old why he wasn't playing football with the other boys at recess he said he wanted to play on the swings instead. "Mommy, if I dont care that I'm not playing with them, why do you?" So there it was. A kick in the gut. My 7 year old was smarter than I was. He was more secure with himself than I was. He was confident enough to do what he wanted to do at recess-not conform to what everyone else was doing. Lesson learned What else have I learned from my brilliant, adorable, smart ass, funny, willful and exhausting boys? It's fun to eat candy before 10AM sometimes. It's okay to cry when you're afraid, unsure, scared or confused Thunderstorms are sometimes scary Sing at the top of your lungs if you want Ask questions Giggle Do as you wish not what others do

The smell of the rain during the summer instantly brings me back to walking down the camp road on the way to the old rec hall for some rainy day activity. My kids cannot go to Canobie Lake Park without hearing some story about how we were not allowed to make phone calls home on trip days and how we weren't allowed on the big roller coaster when I was their age (not that I would've wanted to go!) A Friday night shabbat service at a temple is instantly compared to Friday night services at camp. (The tunes aren't the same and it's not spent putting arms around the person next to you in an overly heated dining hall as you sway back and forth) (With only one giant fan blowing in row five-the way back of the place!) 4th of July was spent eating bomb pops and admiring fireworks which were being set on the docks at the waterfront. The smell of bug spray ruminating in the air as we all huddled around yelling "ooooh, aaaaahhhh, awesome" (I wonder if they still do tha...

This mom thing is hard work. I mean, really hard work. I'm tired from feeling.... sad, happy, whiney, hungry, overwhelmed, giggly, scared, apprehensive, anxious, unsure, excited.... and that's just what my kids are feeling! So, naturally, as a Mom, we feel it too. You get it, right? Your kid does poorly on his test or strikes out at the tee... your heart is practically breaking in two. The fear of them entering a new classroom, a new camp experience, a new sports team...nervewracking, right? You're biting your nails til you find out the end result. and my kids? 8 and 10! Geesh what the &*$ is going to happen when they're in their teens? I'm going to need massive therapy couches! Listen, as a Mom; a parent, we can only do so much. We nurture, we guide, we help soften the blows but really...we need to let them go..and fall, and fail, and learn, and succeed..because that's how we all got here. There was no bubble that we were wrapped in to sh...

Before:  Let my kids play in those public play spaces? (Germs, boogers, spit and drool?) No thank you! After: Play spaces? Hell yea! Something to do on a winter snowy day when the kids are young? Beats loading them up in a snowsuit and it's at least an hour of entertainment. Plus on occasion you meet another cool Mom. Before: No TV. I will not use the TV as a babysitter. After: Disney Channel? Nick JR? Enough said Before: I will buy organic baby food. I will make wonderfully healthy dinners and snacks. After: Youngest actually ate beautifully up until the age of 3. When he then discovered McDonald's french fries and that chicken nuggets are pretty much on every restaurant menu that we frequented. Kid never met a carb he didn't like. Green food? Yea, not so much. Before: I will dress my child in cute clothes all the time because...well, because he looks cute. After: My kids go through jeans as often as I change my underwear. Dirt and grass stains, stretched out...

Enough Angelina Jolie! I cannot stand seeing her on the news, magazine covers, op-ed pieces. It was bad enough that we were admiring that she adopted her 15 children from 10 countries but now we have to put her on a pedestal because she had a double mastectomy? Listen, I think it's great she put herself out there and gave others an opportunity to learn about the BRCA gene and to give awareness about breast cancer, having options, etc What I CANNOT stand is that Angelina, you are NOT the first person to have a double mastectomy. Nor are you the first person to have your wonderful husband stand by your side. Big freakin' deal. I had my breast removed-where is the NY times? Dear Husband? Right by my side. Working the breast drain (eww, gross), getting my drugs, helping me shampoo my hair.  She's no different (other than having big lips and a hunky husband) than the woman in North Dakota who did the same preventitive mastectomy because she wanted to make sure she ...

I never got to know Zachary. I heard his heartbeat and felt his kicks inside of me for 28 weeks.  I touched his fingers,his toes, his head after he was born. I held his 2lb 10oz body in my arms but his heart wasn't beating anymore. His name was Zachary but he is the son I never got to know. And although I never got to love the person he could become, he has taught me things . Things that I may not have ever known. Like being strong. Maybe I was always strong and it took until this time to figure it out. Maybe I didn't know that I had it in me. That I could take such hurt and heartache and loss yet somehow still get up the next day because...well because I had to. He taught me about perseverance. I was told for weeks before he was born that he may not survive. I was told that perhaps his brother may not survive and what did I want to do? What kind of decisions did I want to make? I was already a mother. They were my boys. I persevered. I held on to lots of hope...

So recently I got to guest blog on SCARY MOMMY'S website. My last post (here titled the Happy Dance) created some controversy. Most people got my sarcasm yet some thought I sounded like a miserable alcoholic who also hated her children. I laughed (okay, I shed a tear but then I laughed) because obviously nothing could be further from the truth. I'm not sure which was funnier. The fact that someone really thought I needed to drink to get through two hours of parenting or was it funnier that someone thought I really disliked my children? And if I seriously disliked my children would I actually be telling the entire world? I often, OFTEN feel guilty complaining about them. After all, I did struggle through years of infertility to have them so shouldn't that mean that I SHOULD be loving and soaking up every single moment that I spend with them? Shouldn't I be relishing in the good AND the bad? Because;after all, that's what parenting is all about? No! We have...

You- the one writing "5 more days til school is out" Yea; you and I cant be friends anymore. If you want to meet for a drink sometime-that's okay but I have to unfriend you from my friend list. The excitement in your voice about doing the happy dance, getting to spend long days at the beach with your kids, day trips as a family and not having any schedules to adhere to.. you're killing me. It's been 2 hours since my kids have been out of school (and not yet for the summer) and already I'm reaching for the wine glass. 430PM: "Mommy. How long is a garden stick? Is it the same as this tape measure?" "Mommy I'm going to clip this tape measure to my belt loop like this. See? Like this? You're not looking how can you say "I see"? "And Mommy, don't tell Daddy when he comes home so I can surprise him" Let's also discuss the kid is watching a show called "Dog with a blog?" Still he manages time t...

Since my Dad was the first man I ever loved; there was no doubt that I would look to marry someone with similar qualities. The good stuff: loyalty, respectfulness, good hearted The somewhat annoying stuff: buying the cheaper orange juice because it's on sale, stacking the dishwasher a certain way, snoring.. I wouldn't trade either of them for all the money in the world. (Although if the lottery came knocking on my door I may opt for a second master bedroom so I can sleep without listening to the snoring) My Dad has been gone for 3 years now. It's true when you hear "not a day goes by that I dont think of them". I often have dreams that I swear he is right there in his blue cardigan sweater and slippers talking to me at the kitchen table over a bowl of bananas and cream. Thanksgivings have passed and he is no longer a presence in the kitchen carving the turkey (or telling my brother or husband that they are carving it the wrong way) There is not a french t...

Me: "Guys. Mommy has a terrible headache. Can you just play quietly for a while?" Boys: "Mommy can you lift me up and carry me like you used to or is that going to hurt your back again?" Me: "Mommy's tired guys" Boys: "Mommy you're ALWAYS tired" Me:" Who wants to take a nap?" Boys: "Mommy why are you always saying Oy?" Boys: "Will you build a lego city with me on the floor or will you not be able to get up?" Me: "Hey guys, can you read this for me? I can't see without my glasses on" Boys: "Mommy you are so old!"

I bribe my youngest all the time. I'm afraid to take him places because I never know if he's going to behave or not. I walk on eggshells-will he flip out because he doesn't like what theyre serving? Will he whine because there's "nothing to do" (in the midst of 100 toys) Bribery is way easier than not because...well, frankly because it works. And makes my life a hell of a lot easier Hosted a bbq for dear husbands work group. "Now remember" I tell youngest (youre catching on that I rarely need to bribe oldest, right?) "Now remember" I reiterate, share, be polite, talk when someone talks to you, and for gods sake wipe the sulking off your face. Your life isn't that bad. What? Your mother made you wash your face? She took you to a restaurant that there was NOTHING for you to eat at? She asked you to help out with an errand? Call DSS! You are living in a hell hole! So when 2p rolled around and he was actually....well, being hel...

So there's been a lot of talk in the news lately (thank you Angelina) regarding mastectomies. More importantly; Breast Cancer. I recently read an article in the NYT written by Peggy Orenstein http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/magazine/our-feel-good-war-on-breast-cancer.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 What I got out of it was her saying that too many surgeries were being performed when patients were being diagnosed with DCIS  Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.  Otherwise known as Stage 0 breast cancer Otherwise known as.. what I had. So is stage O actually breast cancer? Your cells are pre-cancerous so do you get recognized as actually "having" breast cancer? You get lumped into the "survivor" category but are you necesarrily a survivor? I call bullshit Peggy Orenstein. I'm tired of feeling I need to defend myself because I didn't need chemo or radiation (thank god) I'm a survivor alright because I cut off my boob to make sure I didn't end u...

I will always love you my sons but I dont always like you Oh please, dont be shocked you're all feeling it too. So when you.. come out of bed for the third time telling me you need to poop  hit your brother sneak an extra snack and then lie right to my face that you didn't when you complain about the food put in front of you and then beg for a dessert when you whine and whine and whine..  you rip your pants for the 5th time in one month and you say no to everything I ask you to do and you pee on the floor and miss the toilet because youre too busy looking elsewhere when you sit on the couch instead of playing outside after I beg you to when you whine (oh did I mention that again?) when you dont share with your brother when you wont play with your brother when you scream at your brother I may not like you at that moment and I will not like your behavior BUT I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS still love you.

I cant believe when I re-read my earlier posts that my youngest child's behavior, at two, really hasn't changed any. Still talks incessantly, whines when he doesn't get his own way and is stubborn as a mule. Yup-kid's just like his mom! Grey's Anatomy is coming to the seasons end. What do I have to look forward to now? And did I really just write this? I fear I may never vacation without my kids again until they're in college I finally got to the stage where I can enter the bathroom by myself. And then I got a dog I would love to live in a state where I could wear flip flops all day long- yet each summer I complain how much my feet hurt from plantar fascitis. I am seriously an ad for a walking medical mess at the age of 45. Yup- just turned 45. 5 years til 50. Let's hope by then my sons behavior improves and I finally lose 10lbs that Ive been bitching about since he was born.

Don't worry so much what other people think of you. Some day; you're not going to care as much. Think more of yourself Math really is useless but you still need to do it to get through school. Stop slamming so many doors. Love your mom a bit more. Some day you will realize she is your best friend. Floss Study more Some day a quiet Saturday night will be a welcomed sight Looks aren't everything Stop biting your nails Don't ever be mean Listen to your parents a bit more High School isn't the end of the world Either is college Family vacations aren't all that bad Dating the cool guy isn't the one you want to marry Get to know the quiet kids. They're probably nicer than some of your "cool" friends. Always be kind

My oldest son is outside playing w a friend from school. Tossing a football around. With a friend Did I mention this already? It's because I honestly never thought I would see such normalcy. He has friends- real honest to good friends (who are seriously such great kids I wish I could clone them) As Ive mentioned countless times I'm nauseous from reading it but oldest had/has so many issues that everything has been a struggle. Seriously- E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Except being loving and sweet- that; he's a natural at. And so the fact that other boys his age want to friend him and see that he is seriously a funny, great, nice kid just warms my heart. It warms my heart so much I just want to tell all these mothers how much I adore their kids. But I dont want to get all psycho-stalky on them so I'll just write it here. These kids, these friends of his, they aren't rah rah sports 24/7 They aren't bullies or mean or fresh They aren't super competitive T...

I'm kind of bitchy. You may not say it if you met me ( or maybe you would) but I think I really am kinda bitchy. Im not sure I was always this way. But in my old age, I complain..a lot. I complain about my health (not the big stuff like Breast Cancer but the annoyances like migraines, my aching knees, my bad back, my jaw pain, the bags under my eyes, the marks on my skin, the 15 lbs I've been wanting to shed since my oldest was born....ok, wow, I really do complain a lot) or I complain about people I know or people I dont really know. I complain all the time to my husband about characters on TV that annoy me. Really? This is what Im wasting my time complaining about? Bad TV? I complain about the "friends" I have on facebook. I complain about facebook yet I'm glued to it. Mostly because I play scrabble on it 24/7 but I do still lurk and read what people say and then complain about the fact they are writing about what they are having for dinner. I'm...

Dear Husband decided it was time to take our VCR tapes (what's a VCR my youngest asks?) and put them onto DVD. Im sure in a few years we will be putting it onto some other kind of initial thingamajig but for now, DVD it is. So as he plays videos I sit on the couch in the dark watching my oldest son come to life as a baby. A baby with breathing apparatus in his trachea with ties around his neck to keep it attached. Instantly im brought back to changing those damned trach ties. Cleaning his trachea to keep it clean from infection, carrying ventilators and oxygen tanks up and down the stairs. I watch the screen as my oldest boy belly laughs over me making a funny duck sound. He is clearly entertained by his mothers antics but we cannot hear his laughter. It doesnt matter to me now but it broke my heart then. I didnt hear his little voice until he was 19 months old. He clapped for Mommy in the video. He crawled over to my Mother in Law who was playing peek a boo with him. He t...