eatthefrostingfirst

~3 days of being snowed in ~13 approximate inches of snow ~one sick child with a fever (you know it will snowball through the house within a matter of days) ~one sick child and another cranky one because he has been housebound for 2 days and this makes another due to his sick brother who he is running out of sympathy for ~a cancelled babysitter for the afternoon due to the fore mentioned sick child ~ a mother who is still bitching about her dreaded 10lbs she needs to lose ~one cranky mother who is stuck at home with the previously mentioned children and growing strong resentment for her husband who gets to go to work, eat lunch and pee in private! And did I mention school vacation starts in 2 days? OH JOY!

I haven't slept in days. Okay, well not quite days but almost. I've woken up at 230AM for the past three nights and haven't been able to fall back to sleep. I'm a worrier by nature..I blame my Mother (for that amongst MANY other things but that's a whole other post) so when I awake, I start to think..about big things or stupid things..doesn't really matter because whatever THING I'm thinking about; it keeps me up. I had my annual physical today which was good timing considering once I turned 40 things started to go downhill for me. She told me to give Ambien a shot for 2 wks. I'm looking forward to the prospect of a full night's sleep but have envisioned that I may possibly wake up at 3AM and instead of worrying, do something else like raid the refrigerator or drive to the Mall to do some shopping without knowing I'm doing this. After all, the first thing you read when you read the WARNINGS is "Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not ...

Do I miss my single days? Not for a minute. The agony of is he going to call? Did he like me? Do I really need to go on ANOTHER blind date? My brother in law is single (honestly, I cant understand why. He is such a great guy but that's neither here nor there) I admit, I live vicariously through him when he starts dating someone. I love hearing about what they have planned, the anticipation of the next date and the potential that she could be THE ONE. I don't miss my single days but I do sometimes miss the freedom of life before children. The days where Dear Husband and I could go to the movies anytime we wanted and not need to line up a babysitter. The days where, spur of the moment, we could plan for a weekend getaway or dinner at a nice restaurant. I miss my Sunday afternoon naps and watching Lifetime movies while Derek watched football downstairs. Would I trade this life for that? Not in a heartbeat. I went through hell and back to have my two boys but boy....those care fre...

Stupid questions I always wonder about.. how often should I really be washing my bras? Does everyone change their bedsheets weekly? Why are cereal boxes only half full when you first open them? (Especially Honey Bunches of Oh's..my favorite) Why do shows insist on bringing back dead characters? (This Denny thing on Grey's totally lost my interest) Why do I lose 2lbs during the week but instantly gain it back on the weekends? Things that make me go hmmmm...

It's my favorite holiday of all time. Thanksgiving. I love the smell of my Mom's kitchen, the food, the family...all that good stuff. Each year after people start to leave and the leftovers get wrapped up, my brother and I stand in the kitchen and eat more turkey, nibble on whatever leftover stuffing there may be and pick away at the remainders of the green bean casserole. HEAVEN! So, what are you thankful for this year? I'm thankful for the obvious...health, my amazing sons, loving husband, family, a roof over my head, yada yada.... what am I REALLY thankful for? An escape on Thursday nights watching Grey's Anatomy (and again on Sundays with Brothers and Sisters) The 2.5hrs/day I now have to myself while Youngest is at preschool The fact that it's now Winter and I can wear jeans and heavy sweaters and cover over the 10lbs that I STILL have not lost addicting games on Facebook that keep my mind occupied when I'm having a bad day Email My husband letting...

The boys had been looking forward to going to see a "Diego" movie Saturday AM. Youngest was on the mend so we packed into the car with Baby Jaguar in hand (because who can see a Diego movie unaccompanied by sidekick Baby Jaguar?) We enter the movie and Dear Husband goes to purchase the tickets. "I'm sorry. It's actually not Diego today. There was a problem with the movie. It's Dora instead". I look at Youngest  knowing what comes next. Too late..the tears are already formed. Here it comes.." NO! I WANT DIEGO NOT DORA". Tears, more tears...wait? I can still have popcorn? Okay. I'll see Dora. Oldest, could have cared less because he will only last 20 minutes tops before he gets edgy to leave. We managed to sit through two Dora "movies" (aka,videos) and head back home. I step in the door to hear someone talking into my answering machine. "So Abby, as soon as you get this bring youngest back to the ER...." "WHAT? HELLO...

Youngest has been sick for about a week with a cold and a cough. Nothing earth shattering until Wednesday morning came and he told me his stomach hurt. When he pointed to his stomach it was actually his chest. Figured I better get it checked out. I'm a smart Mom like that. We went into the peds where I was told he had pneumonia. As a Mom of a former trached child who lived on a ventilator for almost 2 yrs, I have to tell you, I wasn't in a panic over the word pneumonia. We went home and he napped. 2 hrs later he woke up wheezing and not breathing well. I hemmed and hawed over taking him to the ER. I told him we may have to go to the hospital and he said no. An hour later he said "Mommy. I want to go to the hospital". Clearly, another big indicator my child was sick. Fortunately my Mom was around to come over and wait for oldest to get home from school while youngest  and I ventured over to the  ER. (A beautiful new setup I must add and never was I seen so quickly by ...

For two weeks straight, the boys asked "how many more days till Halloween?" Each day I counted down with them, watching the excitement in their eyes as it got closer and closer. Friday AM, October 31st, youngest woke up yelling HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Excitement was in the air. The day began and it then became "how much longer till trick or treating?" A day seems like a lifetime to a 3 and a 5 yr old boy (especially the three year old sweet eater) The time came...trick or treating time! We got dressed, costumes got put on and we made our way out into the warm air. Youngest saw his first group of children dressed up "I DONT LIKE HALLOWEEN. I'M ALL DONE. How many more days till we can go to the Zoo again?" And so...that folks, is the life of a 3 year old.

I have raised a mini me. My three year old son looks exactly like my husband but personality wise...he is his mother. Stubborn, strong willed, loves to have his own way and, did I mention stubborn? Yesterday I volunteered in youngest's preschool class. I thought he would love having me there. Not the case. Since the day I told him I was going he complained saying he wanted to go to school all by himself. Like I was cramping his style at 3. I'm a cool Mom. I don't dress totally weird and I promised not to give him kisses in public. Still..he resisted to my going. I went. After all, it's my duty to start embarrassing my kids at a young age isn't it? He barely acknowledged me although was not happy that I sat next to someone else at circle time. The 45 minutes went by quickly and he seemed to recover from my being there. Until it was time to go home. He demanded McDonald's. As he has, practically every day for the past week. I blame it on our trip to NYC where we ...

Dear Husband and I were getting ready to attend curriculum night at oldest' school Thursday night. A first for us..not the curriculum night (although I suppose that, too, is a first) but the fact that we were both going to actually attend a meeting together. My parents came over to babysit. Mom asked for tea. Boys were in jammies, ready for a fun hour with grandma and grandpa before bed. We were all ready to go. Until....screams were heard. Retched screams. Youngest must have been reaching for something on the table (where I stupidly put the boiling hot cup of tea) and it spilled on him. I immediately went into panic mode while Dear Husband, thankfully had the sense of mind to bring him up into a cold bath. Oldest was crying..terrified of what just happened to his brother and I think even more scared that I told him we needed to leave to go to the hospital. 2 1/2 hrs later, 4 almost fainting spells (mine), 2 doses of morphine (youngest's) we left the ER covered with second deg...

I have always joked that youngest will surely fun for congress some day. Today I got an email from his preschool teacher. He has been in preschool for all of one week. "He was great organizing a game of "Red Light, Green Light." He collected a group of five kids and then more joined in. Maybe he'll be the president of his senior class one day?? You read it here folks. At the age of three he is already a born leader. Im so proud!

It's been one of those days (one of those months really, actually years, but that's a whole other entry) For now, we'll stick with one of those days. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong starting with spilling toothpaste on my shirt after getting dressed and spilling my milk from the cereal all over the floor. Then it got into bigger stuff like arguing with my three year old over the fact he couldn't have McDonald's for lunch at 945AM and then spent 45 minutes trying to get oldest to eat 1/2 cup of Macaroni and Cheese (all pureed mind you) I'm really losing it these days. Everything is getting to me and little things are setting me off. Times are to get easier I was told..they aren't. I assure you. They are getting more and more challenging. On youngest's worst of days he is my EASY child. Oldest  is a love, dont get me wrong. He is endearing and adorable and sweet but he is also stubborn as hell (just like his mother) and challenging, oh, so c...

My baby is all grown up!

I have two kids in school. I now have two and a half hours to myself in the morning. I thought...finally, some freedom! I have to tell you that 2+ hrs isn't much time to do anything really productive. I vow to start exercising during this time. And then what???

Oldest went off to Kindergarten today like a pro. Backpack, smiling..unlike his mother who was crying all the way home. I know most parents are probably sentimental when their child goes off to school for the first time but I have an extra reason to be, don't I? This is my son who 5 years ago spent life on a ventilator, struggling to breathe day in and day out. This is my son who has overcome so many obstacles, I remain in awe each day. My son who is shy, endearing, handsome, often sneaky, loves to tease his little brother, impatient and quite stubborn. My son who is afraid of characters walking around an amusement park yet is brave enough to go on a roller coaster over and over again..ALONE. Here he goes, my baby, all grown up at the age of five!

I feel extremely guilty for thinking this yet alone writing it down but..I'm bored at home with my kids. There. I said it. It's out there for the world to know. Being a stay at home Mom is NOT easy. Pre-children I dreamed of being a SAHM (that's stay at home Mom for those not following along) I thought my days would be spent oohing and aahing over my beautiful children, strolls through the neighborhood, mommy and me classes, play dates, etc..Sure, they do consist of all that along with MANY other joys like tantrums, fights, potty training, trips to therapies, trying to get my tube fed child to eat, non-napping days, and yes...more trips to therapies. I often get tired of reading the same books, doing the same puzzles, singing the same songs. Am I a terrible Mother? I tried for so long to have my children and went through hell and back to get here..and here I am, counting the days until school starts and I will have a whole 2 hrs to myself 4 mornings a week! I'm sure t...

We took the boys to the park yesterday. This is a great park but not in our town (for the sake of the town, I wont name it bc I'm about to bash it) The town is a prestigious one. Wealthy people, gorgeous homes, great school system and along with that goes some snobbish and arrogant people. The boys love this park so they were having fun running around, climbing up the ladder and excited to go down some big slides. Until the bully stopped them. The seven (?) year old bully who was there with his sister and two friends. The mothers were at the bottom of the structure but hardly paying attention as to what was going on. First, youngest wanted to go down the slide. Bully was blocking him. Youngest looked at me for guidance so I suggested that he say excuse me. Bully says what? I didn't understand "excoooz me" (Youngest  is just 3, forgive me bully that my son doesn't speak as eloquently as you do) Bully didn't move. I speak up, loud enough for the mothers to he...

need I say more?

It's Monday morning. We spent the wkend in NYC, had a 4+ hr drive home with a cranky 3 year old and Dear Husband is traveling for two days which he NEVER does. I'm a little thrown off this morning. I had a PTO meeting and it ended at 1140AM. I came home figuring I had another 40 minutes till I picked up the boys from camp. I checked email, threw another load of laundry in, made the boys lunch. 12:10, I decided I would leave to get..... SHIT!! 12:10!! Yes, camp ended 10 minutes ago. I for some reason had in my head 1230. Thankfully I'm a 2 minute drive away and got there to see my two boys being wheeled around in the wagon by their amazing teachers. I apologized countless of times. Youngest seemed a little perturbed that I was late and oldest did give me the cold shoulder for a second or two. Otherwise, all is forgiven. Forgetting what time your kids get out of camp...I know, mother of the year!

Five years ago, August 7th, I brought two beautiful boys into the world; 3 months prematurely. My oldest son and first born, Zachary Jonathan, came out not uttering a sound. He survived 7 short hours. His twin, oldest, came out shrieking and fought for his life for several long months. After almost 180 days in two NICU's, Jared came home with more apparatus than I knew what to do with. He had a tracheostomy, attached to a ventilator and oxygen,a saturation monitor so I could make sure he was breathing okay, a feeding tube in his stomach and my linen closet in the bathroom turned into a medical supply closet instead. It was filled with latex gloves, trach tubes, gauze's, more tubes for oxygen and feedings, and finally, an emergency notebook if I ever needed it. Not the entrance to motherhood I had dreamed about. Nonetheless, we survived. Dear Husband and I faced each hurdle head on because frankly, we had no other choice. I always say if I had time to breathe, I would have been...

I feel like an over-emotional mother today. My baby is three and I've cried on more than one occasion. I remember three years ago as if it was yesterday. Oldest was in the hospital with pneumonia and after 4 days, I was driving him home. That morning I felt like my water was breaking so before I went to get oldest, I ran to the OB who assured me I was fine. I knew better..driving home from Children's Hospital, stuck in traffic on the VFW Parkway, I called Dear Husband from my cell. Calmly I said, "I think my water broke". So, here I have a newly discharged 2 year old diagnosed with pneumonia and needing nebulizer treatments and oxygen all night long. Clearly, my parents were not up for this task. If Dear Husband stayed home, he would miss the birth of his second son. I got home and called the OB on call who obviously said I must come in to labor and delivery to get checked out. I was 35 weeks along and they would not stop labor if needed. We immediately called our s...

It never ceases to amaze me. I go food shopping weekly. Well, honestly, I go more than that but the big shop is weekly. Sundays to be exact. I pull into Star Market or Stop and Shop or wherever I choose this week and grab a cart. I start into the produce and then, it happens. I get the faulty cart. The cart that either has a squeaky wheel or worse..the cart that doesn't work and you look like a fool pushing it because it's so heavy and doesn't turn correctly. Yesterday I got that latter. I was too lazy to change it for another because my luck, I would get the squeaky wheel one this time. I had already loaded up with veggies and fruit and just didn't want to load it all up again. Half way through my shop I was cursing my decision. I was pushing it through the aisles, bumping into people who thought I had too much caffeine or something simply because I couldn't steer the thing. I muddle through, choose a line and am waiting to unload the groceries. Naturally what hap...

I cried this morning watching the Today show. To be honest, it doesn't take much to make me cry but for the past 3 days I have been glued to the TV watching people memorialize Tim Russert. This morning, was Luke's turn, his son. Watching this newly college graduate talk about his Dad with such composure was just...well, tearful. He said that there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't know his Dad loved him. Frankly, that's how life should be. I have always been Daddy's little girl. From the moment I can remember. I joke that he would buy me the moon if he could. He is just that kind of Dad. Thoughtful, loyal, dedicated...and loves his family. My Dad isn't a particularly emotional man and isn't one to tell me daily that he loves me but..I know he does. He is there for me. Always. I married someone similar to my Dad. My loving husband is not very communicative in the mushy gushy kind of way. He isn't smothering me with kisses and declerations of l...

Dont forget the Sunscreen by Mary Schmich Ladies and gentlemen of the class of (Fill in the blank) Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but known that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind tha...

Oldest needs his tonsils out. Apparently they went from a size 2+ to a size almost 4 in a matter of 9 months. What's another surgery when your child is not yet 5 and has undergone anaesthesia more than many adults have in their whole lives? Not a huge surgery. Not a real big deal. But I'm still a bit annoyed. Why? Because last year, my beloved ORL (they are no longer called ENT's apparently in Boston)took out his adenoids and when I asked to remove his tonsils at the same time, he said it wasn't necessary and post-op was a huge deal at 4 years old. I adore my ORL. I really do. I trust him immensely as he has seen oldest through MUCH tougher times than an adenoidectomy. However, he is also conservative. I knew he wouldn't do an unnecessary procedure. Yet, here we are, almost exactly a year later, needing his tonsils out when I knew really that this would be the case. Oldest's feeding therapist has been pushing for it. She says they are huge and that it may b...

The Bahamas was all that I had hoped it to be. Relaxation, sun, good food, relaxation...oh wait, did I mention that twice? That's how good it was. We had a great time, only worry being what to eat next and where. Gained 3lbs to prove it. The boys were PERFECT according to my in laws which made the relaxation all the easier. I bought one of those skirts for a bathing suit because, honestly, no one needs to see these thighs. I felt matronly but my comfort won over feeling 40. As I sat around the pool on day one I noticed other Mom's sporting the skirt suit...some way skinnier than me and not looking matronly. What do you know? I was in fashion! On the flip side, there were other women who clearly SHOULD HAVE been wearing the skirt thing...did they honestly look in the mirror before they went out and said I LOOK GREAT!???!! Regardless, 4 days later and it felt like we never left. I was greeted this morning, Mother's Day (a holiday I truly cherish) to a hug from youngest and ...

Saw this on another blog. It's worth the read if raising a special needs child. To You, My Sisters (and Brothers!) by Maureen K. Higgins Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters." Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail. We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergen...

3 days until I'm in the Bahamas, soaking in the sun and drinking cute drinks with umbrellas and maraschino cherries. I told my husband that I plan to plant my 40 year old tush in a lounge chair for 3 entire days and not move. When I think of 3 days it really doesn't seem like that much time but I know that it will be plenty..especially for someone who never goes on vacation. Heck, one day sounds like a great vacation right about now. Besides, as much as I want some r and r and adult time, I will miss my two boys like crazy. I haven't lost the 10lbs that I vowed to lose by now, nor have I lost the 5lbs that I vowed to lose by now. I may have even gained one. Go figure. My pants from last summer are snug considering I was 6 lbs thinner last season (and a slave to the Jenny Craig cuisine) yet...I'm still smiling as I pack my tight clothes and a bathing suit (an article of clothing that I probably haven't been seen in in over 3 years) I smile because I know in 72 hour...

Today we completed our 4th annual march for babies. The March of Dimes became near and dear to us after oldest and Zachary were born at 28weeks almost 5 years ago. It is so hard to believe it has been 5 years. The day of the walk is always so much fun but means a lot to me personally as well. It is a day that I marvel in oldest'saccomplishments, reflect on the past and shed a tear for the loss of Zachary. Each year we run into old friends and familiar faces. Today I ran into Dr Steven Ringer, the director of Neonatology at BWH and a physician who means a great deal to our family. I met Dr Ringer when I was admitted at 22wks. He sat in my room and told Dear Husband and I the chances of survival if I gave birth to the boys that week. He then told us what would happen at 24 weeks and that he hoped to be sitting along side of me at 28weeks painting a very different picture for us. He, like others at the time, could not predict our outcome. I had already lost a lot of fluid with both o...

my night time TV shows are back! It's been a long time since I've seen McDreamy (must say, am not a fan of Nurse Rose) and am still trying to figure out LOST but at least my nights will now be spent watching mind provoking shows and not repeats of Jon and Kate plus 8 or browsing which stupid applications I can add to my FACEBOOK page (addicting in a sixteen year old kind of way) On a random note...2 weeks from today I will be in the Bahamas, dining in some over rated, overpriced restaurant at the Atlanits and missing my boys something fierce yet at the same time, enjoying every moment of ME time!

The sun is out! It's time for short sleeves, capris (because who wants to see thighs?) and flip flops (which, if given the opportunity, I would wear twelve months out of the year) It's time for afternoons at the park, grilling dinners, fresh summer melons and ice cream trips to Bubbling Brook and Crescent Ridge . The ladybugs are hanging out on my window screens. Butterflies are outside our steps. Oldest is sneezing, youngest is coughing Oh yea, it's also allergy season!!!

Oldest will officially start Kindergarten this Fall. At the age of barely 5. This would not have been my first choice for him if it wasn't for the ideal placement that ourtown has to offer. (I probably would've held him back and started Kindergarten at the age of six as I most likely will do with youngest ) Oldest has severe speech delays. His language has caught up dramatically and is now at an average 4 yr old level (LETS HEAR IT FOR AVERAGE!) His speech however, very delayed. More like a 3 year old (he and youngest often sound alike) This is mostly due to oldest having a trach for almost 2 years and not being able to even babble. Part is also due to his poor oral motor skills (lack of eating, moving the jaw muscles and something called dysarthria . He is also extremely shy and a very "young" almost 5 year old. Because of his shyness, his social skills are a little, shall I say, lacking and his fine and gross motor skills- also delayed. Nothing huge really but cle...

Today I went to drop oldest off at preschool. His school is attached to the public High School. I see a police car and the kids are evacuating. I know immediately what has happened. Another bomb threat. This apparently happened last week but in the afternoon so oldest wasn't immediately effected by the evacuation. Today they told us to pull over in the parking lot and they would keep us up to date on what was occurring. At the time, there was no mention of the threat. I still knew. I waited along side with the other parents while my two boys were crying in the car. They both wanted oldest to go to school and I think, personally, they were frightened by their routine being in disarray. I, too, was frightened. It's scary enough to hear about bomb threats happening in schools but now that I have my son attached to these threats, it's darned right nerve wracking. After a few minutes of waiting I decided to come home. I figured it probably was a threat and I wasn't going to...

I think youngest may be ready to give up naps. I really cant believe I'm even saying it out loud because, honestly, I think my children should nap till they're 10, or at least until they are able to entertain themselves enough for an hour to give mommy her down time that's so needed! We are on day two of H-E double hockey sticks and today isn't much better. Wednesdays oldest has back to back speech and feeding therapy so I'm there for two hrs. Thankfully I have my blessed sitter to watch youngest during this time. Two hours of entertaining him at therapy is not what I consider, well, fun. Today wonderful sitters calls to tell me she needed to have her tooth pulled and cant make it this afternoon. No big deal really. Youngest looks exhausted because he was up at 6am and I'm sure will have a good nap. I then can manage to entertain him while oldest is at therapy. It is now 30 minutes into nap time and youngest has done anything but that. He has sung every song he...

Honestly, today's one of those days that I just don't get paid enough to do this job. Oh wait, I don't get paid at all! I can never call in sick, I often don't get a full lunch hour, I never get a coffee break to meet a girlfriend and I'm constantly breaking up fights between my colleagues (otherwise known as oldest and youngest) Today is no exception. Oldest, now 4 1/2, has become very fresh. He has learned to talk back to his Mother and puts up a good tantrum. Youngest is learning from the best unfortunately. Everything is NO and he refuses to share. Today we had "Marcie and Me" school (A mommy and me class that we've done for about 2 yrs and youngest adores Marcie and loves his "school") Today he insisted to wear his Diego Rescue Pack. Who am I to argue? When I encourage him to show his friends he says "No show friends!" He was a grouch all morning and refused to participate..unlike him really. I bought him a new toy that he ha...

My boys are great sleepers. They've been sleeping through the night for a very long time yet I still am awoken 2-3 times a night (if not more) What is waking me? My third child. Codie; our cat. She is driving me bonkers. She meows every night at 3am and 5am and various times in between. Often she will bring her cat toys into the bedroom wanting to play. I took them away and she still comes meowing. I need to then move over so she can hop on the bed and lie next to me..butt in my face. She stays there for all of 5 minutes, climbs across my night table, knocking over whatever is in the way, and then is off. Leaving me, wide awake with a snoring husband. I, of course, cannot fall back to sleep easily (unlike Dear Husband who doesnt have a problem falling immediately back to sleep..that is, if was ever awoken!) I then make my way into the office to sleep on the couch because his snoring is driving me crazy. I got my cat 13 years ago and she was a constant companion for me in my single...

DIEGO WAS A HUGE HIT!!

I love: banana daquiris with maraschino cherries, pizza, all things chocolate as long as it doesn't contain nuts, summer fruit, and almost all kinds of cupcakes. I prefer: Cookie Monster over Elmo McDreamy over McSteamy 80's over the 90's email over the phone (I know, it's really anti social but it's such a great way to communicate!) I dont like spicy foods, shellfish, citrus fruits and pulp in my orange juice. My first concert was Air Supply I used to drive a VW Rabbit Diesel and had to plug my car into an outlet on cold Winter nights so it would start the next day I did extremely poor on my SAT's and failed the written part of my learners permit test I love to write and secretly hope to have anything published some day. I adore being a mother, Im extremely impatient, would love to have liposuction if it wasnt so risky and pricey and would leave my husband if George Clooney came knocking at my door. (Sorry, honey!) I've watched GREASE more tim...

We bought tickets for a Diego Live show. The boys love Dora and think Diego is okay so I thought we would give it a whirl. Youngest is out of the Sesame Era already and figured this may be a nice change of pace for a live show. We've been talking it up for weeks and the boys were excited. Until today. Until I learned that the Diego show does not consist of people dressed up in the Dora and Diego costumes but actual, live, people pretending to be Dora and Diego (think Lion King vs Sesame Street Live). There happens to be a picture of the cast in today's Boston Globe and think this may be a nice opportunity to prep the boys that this is what the show will look like. Youngest takes one look, points to the woman who is playing Dora and say's "What's this?" Calmly and in my fake, wont this be fun, voice say "that's Dora! and look..there's Baby Jaguar and..." SAY NO MORE! He only hears that the woman is Dora and he starts in. "NO DORA! I want...

Oldest had a pulmonary follow up apt today with his wonderful pulmonologist, Larry Rhein. Larry is just one of the few amazing physicians who has seen my oldest thrive medically. Although I adore seeing him, I thank the lord we only have to make the trek into Children's a few times a year now. The days of daily/nightly visits into Boston are a thing of the past and Im thankful for many reasons. The main reason, naturally, is our son is at home with us and no longer do we need to go "visit" him. Secondly, he is trach-less. No apparatus attached to him to schlep around. Thirdly, schlepping into Children's Hospital in Boston is, simply put, a pain in my ASS! Today was his six month follow up. Mind you, I was there two days ago with him for an audiology test. Nonetheless, we go in today, in the pouring rain. I pick oldest up early from school and it takes us exaclty 45 minutes to pull up to the Valet Service. I always valet because it's just much easier than maneuv...

10 more lbs. I keep saying I want to lose 10 more lbs. It's been almost 3 years since youngest was born so I dont think I can keep blaming these last 10 lbs on pregnancy. It's my own fault, I know. I gained 50lbs with both of my pregnancies and have no one to blame but myself for having the dreaded last 10 to lose. Even if it is 3 yrs later. To me, pregnancy was a license to eat. I even admit that I would go to Burger King drive thru because with both pregnancies I CRAVED BK Whoppers and then..yes, then, I would go to McDonalds for the fries bc as we all know, MCD's fries far surpass the BK ones. Ahh, those were the good ol' days. Eating and well, frankly, not caring. The lbs kept coming on and I blamed it all on the baby. After all, I was eating for two. I cant say Im eating for two anymore and the days of the two drive thru's are over but still, these 10 lbs seem to be here to stay. So when CAN I stop blaming it on the pregnancy??

I figured I would try to train both boys at the same time. After all, oldest is delayed and youngest, well, he is the youngest. So I try over Winter Vacation 6 months ago and within 24 hrs, he gets it. He tells me he needs to pee and he goes. He remains pretty dry yet refuses to do the big deed in the potty. That's okay. I read a lot and hear its pretty common so I dont push it. A few weeks go by, youngest is there. I brag to all who will listen. Oldest, not only does he not get it but really, just doesn't care to get it. Fast forward a few months and youngest regresses. He is now peeing in his pull ups, still not doing the deed, and takes a fit whenever I tell him he needs to sit (we arent into standing yet. Please, that's a whole other six months of work) I bribe with jellybeans. Hey, whatever works. Oldest...still not there. Still doesn't care. However, has a new found interest and now stares at his brother when he goes and needs to actually make sure there is pee...

For real..this isn't a Harry Met Sally scene when she says she is turning 40 but it's really something like 8 years away. No, I'm really turning. This year. Next month to be exact. I must have mentioned to my dear husband at least half a dozen times that if we weren't somewhere tropical for my birthday, without my children, that there could be a divorce in his future. So, we are off to the Atlantis in the Bahamas (smart man) Im counting the hours actually until I get to enjoy some r and r without having to cart oldest to therapy or to break up a fight between who's turn it is to play with the Diego rescue pack that we just purchased. I'm looking forward to closing my eyes on the beach with some kind of drink with an umbrella in it and reading a grown up adult book even if it may be considered a beach read and not bookclub material. Im really looking forward to sitting down at a restaurant and ordering something off a menu that doesnt end with the word nugget or...

After 4 1/2 years, we buried Zachary this past weekend. Okay, let me back up.. when Zachary passed away we had him cremated. Dear Husband and I never really knew what to do with his ashes so they remained in my bedroom closet. We contemplated different ideas, places, but nothing ever seemed appropriate and we didn't want to scatter the ashes just for the sake of it. So, we waited. Until this past weekend. We had finally decided to bury him at Sharon Memorial Cemetery. Sadly enough, there's a section there primarily for babies so we bought a plaque and laid him to rest there. With the other babies. After so long, the pain has been distant and it is not so hard for me to deal with on a daily basis. I really thought I would be strong. I would be okay. I wasn't. It was so hard. Maybe one of the hardest things I have yet to do. We picked out a plaque. We chose the style. We held his ashes in a box in our hands and placed him into the earth. Forever. Our baby is gone. I knew...